


i love you (with every piece of me left)

by sebphy



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Its just very emotional, Jamie has a nightmare, Nightmares, PTSD, Trigger Warning In Notes, fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28486461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebphy/pseuds/sebphy
Summary: “And I swear by the moon and the stars in the skyI'll be thereI swear like a shadow that's by your sideI'll be thereFor better or worse, till death do us partI'll love you with every beat of my heartAnd I swear.”Jamie has a nightmare. Dani is her lifeboat.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 11
Kudos: 68





	i love you (with every piece of me left)

**Author's Note:**

> CW: sexual assault in the second paragraph, and in the italics. there is a panic attack after the italics too that’s the point of the one shot

Jamie is no stranger to nightmares.

At the age of seven, she jolts awake, head spinning. Her mum is dead. No, her mum isn’t dead. She’s not home. Her dad isn’t dead. She wishes he was. No, she doesn’t. Mikey is... somewhere. Asleep. It was just a dream. Mikey’s OK. Jamie’s OK. Everything is OK.

At the age of twelve, hands roam over her, in places they shouldn’t be. Jamie is lying stock still. It’s just a dream. She’s just having another nightmare. Except when she isn’t, and then she pretends. She pretends the calloused fingers of her third foster father are just pictures constructed by her vengeful brain, the one that woke her from fitful sleep so many times before. She pretends it’s a nightmare because nightmares are routine. She can do routine. 

At the age of nineteen, Jamie chokes back sobs, her fist crammed into her mouth so as to not wake her cellmates, whilst behind closed eyes her mind is a whirlwind of her past. Her ears ring as the shouts and cries of her dream die out. She can’t cry. She can’t let anybody in prison know she’s weak, because she is. Jamie is so, so weak.

::

Now, Jamie is twenty nine. She is twenty nine and she hasn’t had a nightmare in at least six years. In fact, she’s not even sure she’s ever slept so soundly in her life.

It’s not as though living with Dani Clayton is perfect, and she knows that.

She knew that when, swallowing tears, she uttered the open question.

“Do you want company?”

She knew that when they bought their apartment, and started The Leafling, and when Dani brought home that plant that was small and so full of hope and promise, and asked her to marry her. 

Jamie knew.

There were days when Dani became lost in herself. When her one brown eye was that much browner. When Jamie would gently touch her fingers and they’d be so, so cold.

On days like that, when the beast woke in Dani’s soul, Jamie would take care of her. She would tuck her under the duvet in their bed and bring her a mug of tea, warm enough to heat her hands but cold enough to keep her tongue from scalding.

Oftentimes, Jamie would close the shop to check up on Dani. Since she’d found her leaning in to the bathtub, her forehead beaded with sweat, Jamie had developed a habit of strolling past, even when she knew Dani was in bed, or in the kitchen.

And when it got too much, she’d close the shop altogether, and hold Dani in silence. She would trace her fingers over the soft skin on Dani’s arms, press her nose into Dani’s hair, and just breathe. They wouldn’t speak. Just wait, wait until Dani felt whole again.

Jamie took care of Dani, in more ways than one.

Whether she was working magic on Dani with her fingers, pressing ice to Dani’s burning forehead, stroking Dani’s face and wiping away her tears, or, on the worst days, holding Dani firmly by the shoulders and reminding her who she was, that she was still here, still her, Jamie took care of her wife. 

::

_It’s two o’clock in the morning, and Jamie is thirteen. She’s lying on a mattress that is soft and hard in all the wrong places. The smell of damp mould is ever present, as is the biting cold on her toes._

_This is her fourth foster home. The first and second couldn’t take her solitary personality. The third she’d run away from. She’d run from wandering hands and deliberate ignorance._

_Jamie wakes up. Her room is light, too light, and it takes her eyes a moment to realise why. A faint white crack of indoor lamplight, expanding as her door creaked slowly. The sudden illumination is promptly covered by the bulky shadow of a man. And then there’s realisation._

_Hands. There’s too many hands. It feels like there are millions of hands all over Jamie’s body as she lies unmoving. It is rough, and so long. There is a hand on her chest, and on her mouth, but he doesn’t have to worry about that. Jamie could never make a noise. There are just too many hands. Pressing into her from every angle, every corner, suffocating her as she lies._

_Her eyes open, and she sees him. She sees him and he sees her see him and he raises a fist and it comes down and she’s—_

She’s gasping violently, wheezing, sitting up and clinging onto her bedsheets. Her bedsheets.

“Hey,” comes a voice from behind her, soft but insistent. “Hey. Jamie, what’s wrong?”

Jamie can’t breathe.

A hand comes down, tentatively, barely glancing her back and she practically jumps from the touch.

“Okay. No touch. Can you talk?”

It’s Dani, the voice is Dani, and Jamie feels the breath come back to her, but not fully. She shakes her head. Her hyperventilating is making her heart race and her hands are shaking violently.

“Hey. Look at me,” comes the voice of Dani. It’s so soft, and undemanding, and Jamie knows that even if she didn’t look at her it would be OK, but she turns. She turns and she sees her wife, her eyes full to the brim with sheer concern. Jamie manages to swallow. Dani blinks once, a fleeting lack of certainty skimming over her face, and it disappears within the second. She opens her mouth.

“It’s me. I’m Dani. I’m your wife. We’re in bed. It’s almost six in the morning. You’re safe.”

Jamie manages a nod, but she’s still shuddering.

“You’re safe, Jamie. We’re safe. We’re safe,” Dani repeats. There is no insistency in her voice, and in that moment Jamie realises Dani could repeat those words forever.

Jamie swallows again. “I’m safe,” she whispers.

“You’re safe. We’re safe,” comes Dani’s response, and Jamie is shuddering again, but it’s not her breathing this time, she realises, as loud unrelenting sobs rack through her body. She brings her hands to cover her nose and mouth.

“Jamie, can I touch you?” 

In response, she collapses. She gives up all control of her muscles and falls backwards, and Dani is there to catch her. Jamie’s hands drop away from her face as she cries, and cries, and cries, but Dani is there. Dani is holding her, and pulling her back so very slowly, so they are both leaning against the headboard. Dani is holding her so softly yet so firmly and stroking her hair. She doesn’t speak, just lets Jamie cry.

As her cries quieten, resolving to simply a stream of tears that spills silently down her cheeks, Jamie feels the grip on her soften. Dani remains silent as she loosens her hold, but she never stops stroking her wife’s hair. Her wife. 

And then Jamie hears something she’s not sure she’s ever heard before.

“And I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky

I'll be there

I swear like a shadow that's by your side

I'll be there

For better or worse, till death do us part

I'll love you with every beat of my heart...”

Dani sings, her voice so gentle, almost a whisper. Dani sings and Jamie’s tears have stopped. She closes her eyes as her wife sings into her hair, and she can breathe, and the touch she feels enveloping her is not suffocating, but careful.

“And I swear.”

Jamie tilts her head back, and is met with the big eyes she is so used to, and Dani’s timid smile. “Are you okay?” Dani whispers to her.

Jamie swallows, and she’s starting to be surprised her throat isn’t sore from how many times she’s done that in the past few minutes.

“He... was touching—“

“Hey...”

“He was touching me and—“

“Hey. You’re safe now. You’re with me,” Dani affirms, and all Jamie can do is shut her eyes tight and nod. “Nightmare,” she offers, and Dani nods in response. “What... song...?” 

Dani looks away, a small embarrassed smile finding its way onto her lips. “I Swear,” she responds. “I listen sometimes, on bad days, when you let me stay up here. Keeps me grounded.” Her fingers dance across Jamie’s cheeks, wiping away the remnants of her tears. 

Jamie pushes herself back up, then, from where she’d slowly slid down the headboard, and finds Dani’s eyes with hers. Dani’s eyes, which are so close to matching, the brown barely visible in the blue. The piece of Dani that remained so strong and loving.

They look at each other for a few moments, unspoken things dancing in the air between them.

 _I feel most myself when I’m with you._ Dani.

 _How can I ever live without you?_ Jamie.

Jamie leans in, knowing Dani doesn’t want to initiate it after her prior reaction to touch, and they kiss. Dani’s lips are so soft and yet they’re the most solid thing Jamie feels, right there, right then. There are more tears, but they are not tears of stress, or sadness, or even happiness. Just love. And Dani thinks.

_I love you with every piece of me left._

**Author's Note:**

> beep beep helloooo. i’m changing these notes because they were too formal before but this is the first fanfiction ive ever put on this site 🙏🏻 hope it wasn’t too shit bye besties


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